Weird Girls From Middle School: Where Are They Now?

The emo girl: Has had at least three regrettable haircuts, may possibly already have hair falling out because of all the dye. Thinks that listening to true crime podcasts is edgy and cool.

The ‘Harry Potter’ girl: Learned how to crochet and hasn’t worn a supportive bra since. Posts things on Facebook like, “I’m an adult and I love Harry Potter, what about it!”

The horse girl: Flunked out of vet school and owns too many animals. Still has mysterious and chaotic energy.

The anime girl: Gets into arguments with locals on Facebook about how anime is better than any other media, even if she knows in her heart that all anime is absolute garbage. May have also gotten a regrettable anime tattoo.

The horny vampire lit girl: Still a virgin.

The sweatpants girl: In jail.

The girl who wore the same hoodie every day: Messages you on Facebook every once in a blue moon to try and get you to buy into yet another pyramid scheme. Uses the hashtags #girlboss and #bossbabe on every post, no matter what the content is.

The vest girl: Has moved on to wearing patterned pants and only washes her hair once a week. Likes to drink IPAs unironically.

The Disney girl: Still super into Disney in an almost uncomfortable way. Either has never been on a date in her life or got married/had her honeymoon at Disney World with her high school sweetheart.

The cat girl: Allergic to cats but just does not give a shit.

The girl who pretended she was a cat: You know.

The Jonas Brothers fan: Joined a sorority in college and does frequent throwback Thursdays of pictures of her spring break vacation to Florida from four years ago with the caption, “Take me back.”

The girl who was VERY into youth group: Does not believe in God anymore and vapes. A lot.