 Oh no! It’s almost Halloween and you don’t even have a costume yet! Life has been coming at you fast and you just haven’t had time to think about, let alone make, a whole costume for the spooky season, but you have to get drunk this weekend and time is of the essence. If you’re feeling stumped about what to wear this Halloween, I have a few ideas for you. They’re fun, they’re sexy, and they’re definitely scary.
1.Sexy Student Loan Debt If you’re experiencing the crushing weight of student loan debt, you may be living at your parents’ house in your hometown, where all of your friends have already left you behind, leaving you with no plans for Halloween. If this is not the case, then I have to say congratulations because that was not my experience at all! Since you’re going to be out on the town this Halloween, but still do not have the luxury of calling a fun place in the city your own, you might as well just go as a sexier version of your crippling student loan debt so that you can let everyone know that you’re struggling but you’re going about it in a very hot, sexy way. 2. Sexy Crushed Hopes and Dreams No matter who you are, you have some dreams that have been relentlessly crushed right before your eyes--that’s life, after all. Halloween is all about being what you’re not, so if you’re not successful, why not at least pretend to be for a night? Bitter reality can wait until tomorrow. 3. Sexy Something from Your Nightmares Nightmares are subjective, and change from person to person so get creative with it! You could go as “sexy going to die alone with 20 cats eating the flesh off my dead face” or even just as “sexy 100 spiders on me at once.” For me, my worst nightmare would be this sexy Gumby costume--that green blob boy just is not right. 4. Sexy Shredded Cheese in a Bag After a night out, a hard day at work, or just for a regular depression meal, shredded cheese in a bag has always been there to satisfy your needs. Halloween is going to be a big night for you, so maybe it’s time to show your late-night snack some appreciation all day and not just at 3:00 in the morning while you lay on your kitchen floor thinking about how your life is just passing you by, so wear your bag of shredded cheese proudly--and sexily--on your body. It could also be a great couple costume with a sexy taco. 5. Sexy Employee Who Hates Their Job There are costumes for sexy dead secretaries, and a whole lot of other sexy professions like police officer and nun, but how many costumes are there for just the everyday office employee who hates their job? This costume is perfect for all occasions, but especially at a work-related event--it’s just you, but sexier.
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 There is a lot going on cosmically this month, if you haven’t already felt it as Pluto went into Capricorn on the 3rd, which may have triggered something within you for a transformation. It may not be as cool as turning into a werewolf or a vampire, but you might find yourself on the path to some big changes. To keep up with some of the mysterious vibes of the month, Mercury and Venus are both going into Scorpio. Spooked yet?
On October 13, there will be a full moon in Aries which is bound to give you some kind of chaotic, fiery energy and is just going to add more to the emotional stew that is October of the year of 2019. There will also be a new moon in Scorpio on the 27th. New moons are about some kind of rebirth or renewal, and having it happening in Scorpio might make it more intense than other new moons you may have experienced this year. Right now, the sun is still in Libra, so keep being flirty and fun while it’s still a reasonable temperature the next few weeks. You might be feeling a bit indecisive right now, which may not be great when you’re trying to come up with your Halloween costume, but I believe in you to make a good choice. Hopefully all that flirty fun energy will pay off once the sun goes into Scorpio on the 23rd because that’s when the chaotic, horny fun begins. You might end up with a wild fun Halloween, or you might be like me eating candy and watching Halloweentown, alone. If there wasn’t enough already, Mercury begins to retrograde on the 31st, All Hallow’s Eve. But we can talk about that later. Aries (3/21-4/19) You will find yourself in a position to become the leader of a group of magical beings. The idea of being in charge of so many people and having this much newfounded power excites you, but you need to be careful. Taking on too much and/or expecting too much of others is going to make you burned out, or at least just burned. Raw, burnt flesh is never a good look. Taurus (4/20-5/20) Sometime in the middle of the month, you will look at yourself in the mirror, as it is sometimes routine to do. Your reflection looks like you, so you think nothing of it, and walk on--but the reflection of you lingers. This false reflection follows you from surface to surface. When you finally notice that something is off, it’s almost too late. You must confront whatever this strange reflection is before it consumes you whole. Gemini (5/21-6/20) People always say that Geminis are two-faced and fake, and while that’s totally rude of them to assume so, they’re not wrong. This is that time of year when it’s time to shed your skin--literally--and start anew. You won’t know what you’re going to look like next once it’s time for your outer layer to peel off and reveal something new. Hopefully this time, you transform into someone even hotter than you are now, so you have even more power. Cancer (6/21-7/22) As the nostalgic person you are, you may feel haunted by old memories a lot of the time. This month, lucky you, you are actually being haunted by the ghosts from your memories. The ghosts of old friends, the ghosts of those people that made fun of your lisp in 8th grade, and even the ghosts of that one person on Tinder who ghosted you two months ago. They will try and torment you, to keep you up at night thinking about them, but you will have to be strong. Either be strong, or just take a good moment to cry. Leo (7/23-8/22) There is trouble happening in town, and it’s up to you to figure out who is behind all of it. First it was just some Halloween decorations that got stolen, then the neighbor’s cat, and now you are getting threatening notes in the mailbox telling you to skip town, or else. Whoever is behind this is truly up to no good, and you are getting more involved in the case each day. It intrigues you, but soon it will become an obsession. The case does not get unraveled but your life certainly does, as this mystery continues to consume you. Virgo (8/23-9/22) You may have been feeling a bit out of sorts recently--it seems as though you are not currently where you wish you were on your plan for life either in career, in love, in friendship, or a mix of all of that. Well lucky for you, you will meet a witch who will make a special potion for you that will give you everything that you desire, and even more on top of that. Of course, it does come at a price, but the witch will not tell you exactly what that price is. Will you do it or just try to work on yourself organically? Libra (9/23-10/22) As it is Libra season right now, you seem to be hitting a bit of luck this month. When you’re doing some deep cleaning in the attic, you will find a whole bunch of very old trinkets and things, that after a quick Google search, you find out are worth quite a pretty penny. Since you only do things like deep cleaning when you’re feeling a bit isolated and reflective, things might be quiet on the friendship front this month, but you will make a new friend with the ghoul that also lives in your attic. He doesn’t talk a lot but he’s cool. Scorpio (10/23-11/21) This time is all about change for you, and what a change it will be! While walking around one day, deep in thought (because you’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately), you will accidentally trip and fall into a river. Instead of becoming soaking wet, you will actually be transported into another realm, one of magic and wonder. There are also a lot of terrifying monsters here, but you just need to be smart to avoid all of those. Will you fight to try and find your way back home, or find a new life in this whimsical place? Sagittarius (11/22-12/21) You will come across someone who is very mysterious, and this intrigues you. Once you get to know them, you will soon start to develop feelings of one way or another. Sadly, this person is a time traveler and if they stay in this time any longer, the whole universe will collapse. You will have to say goodbye, but it’s fine--you never liked commitment much anyways. Capricorn (12/22-1/19) This is a good time for you, it seems as though your relationships are going to prosper this month. Use this time to connect with friends and maybe try something a little out of your comfort zone--you never know who you might meet in the process! (Maybe even a vampire boyfriend). Aquarius (1/20-2/18) At one point in time, you may have crossed paths with a vampire and made them extremely angry, waiting for the day that they can enact revenge on you. The time is coming that the two of you will cross paths again and you will need to be ready to face this issue head-on. Always carry around two wooden stakes with you, and eat a lot of garlic bread for extra protection. You will need it. Pisces (2/19-3/20) Things may be feeling a little out of control recently. You will have plans to go on a date with someone who you think is just a dream. Problem is, there’s just a little secret that they’re hiding from you--they’re a werewolf! This is both exciting and problematic. On one hand, werewolves are usually hot and cool but also, you might end up getting hurt when they wolf out and you might die. Lots of choices need to be made, and fast. |
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