The year 2020, as we can all agree, has been bad. It’s not that the year itself is terrible as a year, it’s just that a bunch of terrible shit has been accumulating under our noses for decades and it’s finally all come to a head at the same time. It’s a lot. Along with everything else, even Halloween is going to be canceled this year. Oh no! But don’t worry, you can still celebrate Halloween the best way you know how to—with a sexy costume—just this time it will be by yourself in a room full of none of your friends but maybe a few ghosts.
We all thought that 2020 was going to be a good year for us, and we all feel like clowns now for thinking so. You might as well put on a sexy clown costume to express how you really feel inside, you sexy, sexy clown.
Have you been staying cooped up at home since March but feel like you’re losing your absolute goddamn mind because it seems like you’re the only person you know who is actually taking the pandemic (which has not gone away) seriously? Express that feeling with a sexy costume that nobody will see because you’re still not going to be going anywhere anytime soon, even if other people are going out.
Sexy Theoretical Second Stimulus Check
The idea of being given money by the government is sexy in itself. We all enjoyed getting our first stimulus check, despite many people never getting one and also it being way too low to try and cover over seven months of expenses. We are well overdue for another measly $1,200 and in August we thought it would happen. Now? Not so much. Actually, it pretty much is a no-go. But we can dream. We can all dream.
Sexy Guillotine for Billionaires
While guillotines have already been sexy for quite some time, almost nothing could be sexier than the image of a guillotine doing its job on these modern-day billionaires. Almost nothing is as un-sexy as a few mega-wealthy people profiting off of poor people losing their jobs, homes, and dying of a horrendous disease. Look good while showing off some new revolution looks with this sexy costume concept.
Sexy Forest Fires
Are you sexy, but also very hot? Almost nothing is hotter than wildfires—just ask the forests.
Sexy Coronavirus that Infected the President Specifically
At first when I had the idea to write this very stupid piece that absolutely nobody asked for, I was planning on putting “sexy coronavirus” as an option. It would be a very stupid idea, and possibly insensitive. By the time I actually got around to writing this thing, though, the some news came out. Coronavirus may not be sexy—it is actually the exact opposite of sexy as it has killed hundreds of thousands of people—but there is one single piece of the virus that is sexy, and that is the little coronavirus that infected our very own president (which was very funny).
Sexy Existential Dread
What’s the future going to look like? Where do we even go from here? It’s not like the calendar is going to change to say 2021 and things will suddenly get better. They will probably get worse. So why not take all of that negative energy and use it to make the sexiest costume you can? And then feel even worse tomorrow.